When I
think of Blue I think of the ocean. Such a beautiful area I wish I knew more
about. Its amazing that we discover at least 1 or 2 new species in the ocean
everyday. You really think about that its almost unbelievable. I miss surfing
in the ocean, I miss diving in the ocean, but most of all I miss the atmosphere
of being at the ocean. It is the most peaceful set of mind I have ever had.
Just sitting there looking out and all you see is ocean. Many people fear the
ocean as if they will be hurt in it or even killed. Although this is true many
don’t realize that they are just as likely on land to be hurt or killed by
something. A car accident, falling at great heights, or even a simple thing
such as a paper cut. Every place on this earth has danger. The ocean is full of
secrets. I have always wanted to explore the deep ocean, maybe explore titanic,
or discover numerous cities that are now underwater. I really want to swim with
many fish I have never seen though. I see so many people on videos and on TV go
through coral reefs that contain so many fish in it you are dazzled by whats
really happening. I wish I could do that.
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Happiness
Happiness. Right now I am very happy. I have so many things
going for me at this point in time. I am doing well in school, I just performed
with my band to a sold out show this past weekend, I am talking to a beautiful
girl I have so much in common with, and I am healthy! This past weekend I had
forgotten how much fun it was to perform in front of a crowd. I play heavy
metal so I enjoy seeing the crowd react by headbanging, starting moshpits, and
stage diving. Seeing people getting into our music when we put so much time and
dedication into writing the best possible songs we can. Here recently I have
been talking to a girl named Emily. She is fantastic in almost any way I can
imagine. She loves hockey just as much as I do, has the same morals, and is a
very mature human being. She has been through a lot and it blows me away how
hapy of a person she really is. To have gone through the things she has would
either make her or break her. She is fun, energetic, and crazy but in a good
way. She gives me the jitters sometimes. I get nervous around her. Which is
saying a lot for someone like me. She makes me very happy. I have also been
taking care of myself lately very well. A year ago I started working out and
have been stuck on it ever since. I enjoy it so much and have been learning to
eat better and more frequently. I have gained 40 lbs in a year of working out.
Its an addiction that I am more than willing to continue until the day I pass
on. It gives me a natural high feeling like I could conquer the world with whatever
I wanted to do. Which just so happens to be music. Music makes me happy. Even
the depressing stuff that talks about some verysad things makes me happy
because I feel amazing that I can feel that way with someone elses music. It is
incredible to feel the feelings we do when listening to music. So I guess yeah
I am a very happy person right now. I got so many things going great for me and
I want to continue that. Being happy is the most important thing to me in life.
Its all I ever stride for. I also enjoy making other people ehappy too though.
Take Emily for example. All I want is to make her happy as well because of how
she makes me feel. She considers my feelings in just about every situation. She
is selfless. Its so rare to find that in someone. We both have talked about
just being happy together.
I believe in the power of will
John Bonds
Mrs. Anthony
English 101
March 6,
2015
I believe in the power of will. I am an individual who has
been through a lot and overcame all of it. Will power is what I live off of. I
feel it is what anyone should live off of. I grew up with a family that didn’t
have the best intentions for themselves. When it came to my siblings and I,
caring was never the problem. They loved and cared for us just as any parent
should. I guess when it came down to it they suffered from addiction and it got
the best of them throughout my teenage years. When you witness loved ones go
through something like that, especially ones who are supposed to guide you
through life before releasing you into the “wild”, some seek anything that will
make them happy or numb the feeling of pain they are going through. I wasn’t
one of those people. I just wanted to be away from all of it. I wanted
adventure and to see things many people had never seen before. For years I told
myself “it will not always be like this, and one day you will be able to live
your own life with this staying in your past.” Turns out I was right.
I never expected myself to have the journey I have had in the
6 years I have lived on my own. I have done so many things some people will
never be able to say they achieved their entire lives. I have been rock
climbing, raced rally cars, skydived numerous times in many locations, traveled
all over the country meeting fascinating people, witnessed the most amazing
sights, and even swam with sharks. All of them having small fears being brought
in as a main factor. The fear of heights, of getting hurt, and even the fear of
being killed. Will power is an amazing thing when you can use it to your
advantage. You can accomplish so much. I did those things only because I had the
will to put myself in danger for the chance of having the time of my life. I
have no regrets at all.
Out of all the things I have driven myself to do, the one
that sticks out the most in my memory is swimming with the black tipped reef
sharks. Reaching anywhere from 3-6 feet in length they were rather large
creatures. I, like many people in this world, have had a natural fear of sharks
ever since I was a small boy. Thinking they were just going to eat me if they
saw me and they were nothing but human killing machines. When in all reality
that isn’t true. They are interesting creatures to say the least. Even though I
was absolutely terrified to jump in the shark infested waters I decided that
this was a once in a lifetime opportunity and jumped in. I immediately started
sinking to the bottom with my father and a professional diver alongside me. It
was around 30-40 feet of beautiful blue water you could see all the way down.
They swam all around us looking for food and being very curious as to what we
were and what our intentions were. They would look you straight in the eye as
they swam by you but not with a mean look, more on a curious look. I lost
myself when at the bottom being mesmerized by what I was seeing. Roughly 20
sharks all being as big as me just living naturally in their world. It was
incredible and nonetheless the most amazing sight, feeling, and moment of my
life. Will brought me to that feeling.
I believe Will is something many people struggle to have. For
example growing up through my teen years I noticed a close friend who had a
problem with having the will to better himself in any way. I never really
understood this but it happened on a regular basis. He grew up with a tough
life most do not have to go through. His mother left him behind at the age of 8
and he had a father who was an alcoholic. He never got the guidance a child
needed but the kid was smart. Throughout grade school he always had good grades
and was very bright according to my mother who was an English teacher at the
school. Once high school started he never had the will to be great. He never
cared to do well in class and I feel his father held a big part in that. But in
another aspect I noticed that he could have proved to his dad who he really was
if he had the will to do it. He could show everyone out there that he was an
amazing individual and not do it for them at all but do it for himself. To see
that he was an amazing person. I saw it in him and so did many teachers. He got
help throughout our entire school years. He chose the wrong path and I haven’t
seen him in years. It is sad and it often crosses my mind on how things could
have been different with him.
Will can go so far for anyone. With will you can become what
you’ve always dreamed. You can do things you never thought would be possible.
Be a person you never saw yourself to be. It can destroy you, and it can make
you who you are. Will is always going to be a critical thing in my life. It has
made me see what I can do in this incredible world during my time in it. I
wasn’t put on this earth to pay bills and then pass on. I strive to live and
will remain that way until I pass on and I encourage everyone in life to be
that way. Because life is short and you never know what will happen. So live it
up and enjoy it all.
Invisibility
If I
were invisible I would start by getting close up to the animals humans rarely
can interact with. Wolves, Deer, Bears, and all kinds of animals like that. I
will be honest there is a part of me that would want to mess with people like
im a ghost or something. Im not sure if I would be able to interact with
objects or people but I would just do little things. Like blow their hair or
pick up random things in front of them. I feel that would be very entertaining
to myself. I would like to see a lot of things you don’t get to see such as
government buildings or if there really is an area 51. I feel like it would be
very interesting to see what is in those buildings or anything for that matter
when it comes to government. I would walk in the billionaires club to see what
it was like. What they did or how they spent their meetings. I am just curious
if they like to talk about how rich they are or if they talk about how to
remain rich or if they should invest in things. I would like to see what people
think of me. I personally don’t care if they like me or not but I am interested
in what people actually think of me that I have known for a long time. I have
never asked. I would watch some babies be born to many random people. I know
that sounds rather weird but I feel like it would be a good experience. I
didn’t get to see my son be born so I feel like it would be a great experience
to watch because I don’t plan on having anymore children. I would see if I
jumped off a building if I would feel the fall or just witness the sights. I
guess that is a little crazy because you could die. I just don’t really want to
live life invisible. I enjoy interacting with people and doing things people
can notice. I don’t think I could be an invisible person I would be very
depressed.
Shark Experience
It was
a Saturday morning at 9 am and my father and I were on our way out into the
ocean. He was going to take me diving. I had never done this before and I just
got my scuba license. I was very nervous and he looked at me and said don’t be
afraid you will really enjouy this. We looked into the water and we were
looking about 30 feet deep. The water was so blue you could see the bottom of
the ocean floor. We hired a professional diver to take us out there and I had
no idea what was in store for us. We jumped in and swam to the bottom. In the
very beginning I saw a few schools aof fish and a few smaller stingrays and
even spotted a giant stringray. We got to the bottom and I noticed the boat
captain threw something in the water. Looked kinda orange but had tiny chunks
in it. I was just swimming around until I was directed to come near my father
and the professional diver Nick. We sat in one tosspot and I noticed not even 5
mintues later a few reef sharks. I am very terriedied of sharks at this point
because I do not understand them in any way except they areman eating machines.
The diver told me to keep calm and not kget starteled. I noticed that the shark
had come up to the diver who had a container in his hand and the diver took a
small fish out and fed the shark like it was nothing. He grazed his hand over
his fin and the shark was enjoying his company. Not even 10 minutes later we
were surrounded by at least 15 reef sharks measuring anywhere between 6-10 feet
long some even shorter. He was enjoying feeding them and I had no chainmal
armor on so I wasn’t trying anything. I found myself in a trance with them.
Ihad forgotten my fear for them completely. They were so fascinating and the
wmoment was so calm. Once I had this thought and realized it I noticed the
diver petting a shark on its snout. The shark immediately stopped moving and
sank to the ocean floor. Only moving its fins I was very confused but amazed.
He picked the shark up and brought it over to us and we were able to pet it. The
shark did not mind at all. It seemed like a gentle beast. It reminded me of a
dog getting its belly rubbed. It could not move and it was just stuck there,
the only difference with the dog is it would kick its leg. After letting us pet
the shark he brought the shark up completely vertically while continuing to rub
its snout. It was completely vertical staring into the hoean floor while its
tail was facing the top of the water. The diver was yelling woo hoo so many
times and I was just completely in shock. WI was asking myself why.
After letting us pet the shark he brought the shark up
completely vertically while continuing to rub its snout.
The shark seemed so calm almost like it
completely trusted the diver. It was completely aware of what was going on. It
wasn’t asleep or anything just letting Nick do whaterer he pleased. After
letting the shark down and swim off the sharks started to swarm him. Not to
attack or bite or even get the fish. They wanted him to perform what he did to
the first shark on them as well. It was insane and I started to view the sharks
as pets even though they were the mot agressibe creature in the ocean. You
could tell a difference of the 1st shark from all the others. It had
a rope in its mouth. Not quite sure how it got there but I feel nick chose that
shark for a reason because once he had pet a few of the other sharks that same
shark came back and let him do it to him again. Once he let the shark down it
continued to push its snout into his abdomen. After about 10 minutes of swimming
with the sharks and witnessing this incredible moment we swam to the surface. I
couldn’t help but just yell WJOO when getting the scuba gear off. I was in
complete shock almost. I couldn’t believe what I just witnessed. I asked the
diver what in the world was he doing dto make the shark do that. He called it
tonic immobility. He explained that the sharks have sensors on their snouth
that pick up electric pulses. He continued by saying this is
Conflicts
It is kind of funny that this video came up. I have always
believed in fear being similar to stress in certain situations. Your body gets
shaky, your hands sweat, your heart pounds, and you even get a little bit of
nausea sometimes. Through fighting in MMA for 2 years I learned that it is your
bodies way of responding to a situation your brain realizes its going to go
through. You use it to your advantage and so many things can happen. In a life
or death situation your body responds like that, for example, when I was in my
car accident I was hit in my ford ranger by a car going 70 mph when I was at a
dead stop. I saw the car only a second before the impact and felt immediately
my stomach drop. I had my girlfriend at the time in the middle and my best
friend in the passenger seat. We were shot up in the air and everything slowed
down dramatically. Almost like you see in the movies. It was the last thing I
remember and it was my response to making sure I was going to get out of this.
In the time we were in the air I had thrown my hand down to keep my girlfriend
in her seat and it somehow worked.
Right now I have a few conflicts in life. First off I am
fighting a sinus infection. Have been for about 5 days and I really hate going
to the doctor. I take really good care of my body and I hate when I am sick so
much it stresses me out because I am always needing to do something. Right now
it is focus on school and continue my fitness training. I have trouble with
both when I am sick. Another conflict is seeing someone I have cared about for
a long time beating herself up for things that are out of her control. She gets
down on herself so much that she doesn’t eat. She doesn’t take care of herself
almost like she doesn’t care for herself. Which she should because she is a
good person. I don’t like seeing those I care about and see great things in
become so depressed with themselves that they cant even get out of bed. I have
never had that situation so its hard for me to understand. The last conflict I
am having right now is the conflict of not being able to work out. I absolutely
love working out and it makes me feel fantastic and anytime I cannot work out
for a while it just makes me stressed and I hate it. I have been sick and its
best not to workout so your body has the energy and strenghth to fight off the
infection. It is something else to just not be able to do what you love
everyday because of little things like this.
Im sure my sinuses would say that’s what you get for living
in Missouri. So deal with it. I believe the person I care about would just say
I don’t understand how she feels and never will. Which she is probably right. I
wish I could understand. She has been through a lot and I know that. I just
wish she would be happy. Working out will come again. The day I will get to is
going to be fantastic. I will be so happy. I will push really hard to make sure
I can get back on track for training season. I miss squats, deadlifts, and bench.
I know they miss me as well
What I do realize though is with this sickness I will be
grateful for feeling normal again. Sicknesses happen even when you do take good
care of yourself. Its unfortunate but its life. There are things that are out
of my control and that is what is going on with this specific person. I will
not be able to influence her on how to think. I have tried numerous times and I
hope she is happy in the end. I am only human. Things happen in life all the
time that aren’t good then some are really good. Sometimes you have to fight
the bad days to have some of the best days of your life. For example this cold
right now. After I am over this I will be able to work out and continue on with
the life I am loving right now. I love life currently and am ready to get back
in it.
Traits
One
morning I was sitting next to an interesting individual. A woman with numerous
traits that pretty well confused me at times. She appeared with a violet head standing
up in the front, but long and laying down in the back. She carried a bright
carrying case, wore shades, rode a longboard, and wore dark tight bottoms with
a Kurt Cobain top. I said hi to her in attempt to have a conversation but she shrugged
it off. She seemed like a silent one, either scared or determined, possibly
both. I said hi again and she looked at me with an odd look on her face as she
said softly “how’s it going?” She responded shakily once I replied with “I’m
great, how are you?” I brought up her odd style and mentioned I found it
appealing. She thanked me and immediately became this whole other person filled
with excitement. She told me everything about herself. She is shy when you
first meet her but becomes more comfortable she is very joy filled and aware of
the people around her. I asked her what she carried the backpack for then she became
shy again. Once I convinced her to show me and it was numerous of odd things. A
muscular GI Joe with a beard and hippie bottoms which showed art on his leg
that she made herself. She also carried a neck warmer, a cap, and another pair
of shades. We carried on a conversation for at least a couple hours and I can
say it was the most interesting and fun conversation I’ve ever experienced.
What if I had never been born
What if I had never been born?
What if Russia had not taken the nukes out of cuba?
What if I had to never worry about money again? *
What if I had been born a girl?
What if my step father had been my real father? *
What if I never knew I had a son?
What if I was a religious person?
What if I never had to do bad things to learn not to do bad
things?
What if I never had my awesome dog? *
What if I never liked dating girls?
What if I never wanted to attend college?
What if I never had done drugs or drank before?
If my real father was my step father so much would be
different. I was raised by my step fathers family so to me they are my family.
I never was involved much eith my biological father. My mother met my step
father Sam when I was 2 and he has raised me ever since. He is a great man.
Taught me good morals and even taught me a thing or 2 about how cruel the world
can be. He has his faults just like everyone else in the world but that is what
makes him my father. I have been through hell and back with that side of my
family and even though there is no blood relation, they all view me as one of
their own. They are a Hispanic family. So family is everything to them. The
typical stereotype. They fight, argue, and even talk down on one another every
once in a while but all in all they would do anything for eachoter. Including
myself. On my step fathers side I have so many people I feel I am blood related
to. My cousin tony and I are much alike personality wise. Although he hasn’t
made the best of decisions lately. We got along our entire childhood. On my
biological side though I would have to say that there are some people I would
miss. My brothers and sisters on his side, my grandmother, and my great
grandparents. My fathers name is John. I was supposed to be a JR but my mother
had a close friend who was killed in a car accident named Phillip so that is
where I got my middle name versus being a JR named John Ray Bonds. I was ok
with this. To tell people I was a Jr and have the same name as a person I don’t
really know kind of seems like a waste to me. I wish almost all of the time I
could change my last name to my step sides name. Ruiz. It is a common Hispanic
name but its more than a name to me. It’s a symbol that I am a part of their
family. The ones that raised me. I feel like a Ruiz more than a Bonds so why
cant I have that name? Its rather bothering sometimes. A lot would be
different. My looks, my personality, my perception on what life is I even feel
would be different. Everything would be different. So in a way I wish I could
be blood related to them. At the same time though I am completely satisfied
with theway things are because I know they care for me much more than anyone
could imagine.
If I had never been a drinker of alcohol or had done drugs
at all in my life I would have some pros and cons. I am a smarter individual
and what I mean by that is I know what is right and what is wrong. Sometimes I
have moments where I make bad descisions but I has always been on impulse of my
emotions being out of whack. If I had never done drugs I would definitely be
farther in life. Possibly done with college and making really good money with a
well paying job. On the other hand I don’t feel I would be as happy. Which
sounds kind of bad but because I have done these things I have become an open
minded person. I don’t judge because I have been in those shoes. I view it as a
medical problem not a crime to be addicted to something. Luckily I was never
thrown in jail because I just made smarter decisions while under the influence.
I learned a lot. I learned what it takes to kick horrible habits. Strength,
Focus, Dedication, and the actual feeling of wanting to be a clean person. Not
only did I learn I have been able to never even care for being under the
influence again. I have no want to. It has helped me in so many ways become the
person I am today. And I love the person I am today. I enjoy myself. So that is
why I feel I am happier knowing the things I do.
What if I could time travel. If I could time travel there
would be many things I would love to experience. To see the wars for what they
actually were compared to what history says. If they were correct or missing
many key points. I would travel to some of the most monumental moments in
history. I wouldn’t travel to the future though. Maybe once just to see what
the year 3000 was like. I would have very big interests in the French
revolution days as well as times of the depression. Just to witness things that
people have been through. I continuously wonder what time travel would be like
to. I would be very afraid to alter the past in some extreme way. Such as what
if I had somehow stopped JFK from being assassinated? Would that have been a
good thing or not? Its really hard to tell what would be good. I feel stopping
9/11 would be an awesome thing. Seeing how this war has been a complete waste
of many great people and resources including money. I would want to witness if
what started the Vietnam war actually happened. I feel just because of what
family members have told me that it is a war very similar to what we are in
now. I would want to meet Abraham Lincoln, the founding fathers, and so many
people.
Fear
When I think of fear I think of the things that tend to fear
me. Its not typical things wyou would think about usually. I have a big fear of
getting my throat cut. It’s a weird thought to have but I have thought of it
quite frequently. The actual thought of trying to breathe with blood going down
your throat just bothers me so much. I am afraid of burning alive. I also have
a fear of the world coming to an end soon. When someone tends to fear something
its normally to preven t them srfrom getting hurt or harmed in any way
physically or emotionally. I tend to not think about that. Which may conclude
as to why I have been injured in many ways due to skateboarding, ice hockey,
randomly doing stupid stunts just to see what would happen, and seeking the
most riduclous rush of adrenaline I can get. I have always been a seeker of
things that I feared. I used to fear heights and conquered that with sky
diving. I also conquered my fear of the ocean in the deep by scuba diving
constatntly all summer as well as surfing. I vview a good way to conquer your
fears, if you are wanting to of course, is to try and view it from someones
perspective that isn’t afraid of it and just ask questions on whay they do.
Obviously its not going to be the same encounter nor feelings you have but
putting yourself in someone elses shoes takes a lot of strength in your mind.
Especially when it comes to fear. Its how I was able to skydive. I asked the
leader what should I be thinking about because I was cvonstatly thinking about
the bad things that could happen. No shoot deploying, losing control of myself,
and even a random plane or bird getting in front of me during the fall. All the
guy said was to jump and you could even close your eyes for a moment when
jumping. I jumped with eyes open just because I wanted to witness all of it.
There was a big part of me that was terrified but I was alble to control all of
it. Fear is all in your mind. I had the best time falling thousands of feet
until hitting the ground in a swift manner. All because I decided fear was
something
I have always been a seeker of things that I feared. People
constantly prevent themselves from having the time of their life because of
fear. I was, and still am afraid of drowning, eaten alive by something in the
ocean, or even getting caught out in the ocean with no one to help. Its
something htat has constantly sat with me the past few years because of how
many times I dove into the ocean to explore. Along with that I tend to think
more about the adventures I have had and the visions I have seen. I think that
not many people can say they have swam on the ocean floor with sharks, or swam
on the ocean floor in general taking pictures and watching many fish do what
they do everyday. I put myself at one with the ocean. Like it is a part of me
or I am a part of it. It’s a beautiful place that so many people fear. I enjoy making
myself get on the edge of things. I have a little fear of not being in control
about something such as a roller coaster, decisions people make, or life
moments that are out of my control. Roller coasters are my go to when it comes
to seeking adrenaline rushes. I love the feeling of falling in a roller coaster
and have traveled far just to ride the most intense rides in the country. I
drive my car like a mad man when I am in rally racing or in an empty parking
lot with snow because I find it to ne so fun to just constantly be put on edge.
I sometimes feel doing something that I fear may be what causes the death of
me. But I always tell myself at least I was dying doing something I love. In
life we come across moments of fear that are very necessary. Such as a horrific
shooting or being in the middle of anything that is out of your control. I feel
that came to be with me as a child when growing up in riverside near the bad
side of Los Angeles, California. I was not necessarily raised with a gang or
wanna be thugs. I just knew a bunch of them. I witness some gang fights in my
teen years and it just confused me constantly why they did that and all I wish
I could have eone was control their thoughts to not care about what the other
thought about them or to make them view eacvhother as enemies but human beings
like they all were. I never got it.
People constantly prevent themselves from having the time of
their life because of fear. When peole ask me about many of the things I have
doen I tend to tell them the sentence before this and conclude with “I will not
be that person” I enjoy being afraid of things. It reminds me that im human. I
have peole that have told me constantly they wont do such and such because they
are afraid ofcertain things happening. I just kind of look at them in a
confused manner. I like it. Always have and always will. I have tried bringing
a couple freidns and even a close girl that meant a lot to me to do things they
were afraid of. For example I was dating a girl terrified of heights and
terrified of going to jail. I eventually came up with the idea of climbing the
mfa feed building here in springfield. It has a sign that reads do not trespass
or you will be prosecuted and it is definitely the tallest building in
springfield. It took months and months to convince her to do it. She was stuck
on the fact that I told her I couldn’t promise her everything would go smoothly
because I had never climbed it before. So I climbed it first and just so
happened to find a pretty easy way to access the top although you had a couple
of obstacles that having a fear of heights would really play a factor. I
explained to her the scenarios of what she would be going through and she
aggred to join me for my second climb. I also had a friend want to join as well.
We reached a point to where you have to hold on to two pvc pipes running up a
wall for about 40-50 feet. With only little planks to stand on you had to use a
lot of strength and walk up the wall vertically and go across an empty space to
get to an I beam that lead to a room with a ladder that went straight to the
top. It was something else having to get her to climb that wall. I even had a
little fear of it. It left you very vulndrable to falling and getting seriously
injured. All I could tell her was “you got this, just keep ahold of the pipes
and take breaks and I promise you will be fine.” I did it first and showed her
exactly what to do. She started to attempt it.
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