Fear

When I think of fear I think of the things that tend to fear me. Its not typical things wyou would think about usually. I have a big fear of getting my throat cut. It’s a weird thought to have but I have thought of it quite frequently. The actual thought of trying to breathe with blood going down your throat just bothers me so much. I am afraid of burning alive. I also have a fear of the world coming to an end soon. When someone tends to fear something its normally to preven t them srfrom getting hurt or harmed in any way physically or emotionally. I tend to not think about that. Which may conclude as to why I have been injured in many ways due to skateboarding, ice hockey, randomly doing stupid stunts just to see what would happen, and seeking the most riduclous rush of adrenaline I can get. I have always been a seeker of things that I feared. I used to fear heights and conquered that with sky diving. I also conquered my fear of the ocean in the deep by scuba diving constatntly all summer as well as surfing. I vview a good way to conquer your fears, if you are wanting to of course, is to try and view it from someones perspective that isn’t afraid of it and just ask questions on whay they do. Obviously its not going to be the same encounter nor feelings you have but putting yourself in someone elses shoes takes a lot of strength in your mind. Especially when it comes to fear. Its how I was able to skydive. I asked the leader what should I be thinking about because I was cvonstatly thinking about the bad things that could happen. No shoot deploying, losing control of myself, and even a random plane or bird getting in front of me during the fall. All the guy said was to jump and you could even close your eyes for a moment when jumping. I jumped with eyes open just because I wanted to witness all of it. There was a big part of me that was terrified but I was alble to control all of it. Fear is all in your mind. I had the best time falling thousands of feet until hitting the ground in a swift manner. All because I decided fear was something

I have always been a seeker of things that I feared. People constantly prevent themselves from having the time of their life because of fear. I was, and still am afraid of drowning, eaten alive by something in the ocean, or even getting caught out in the ocean with no one to help. Its something htat has constantly sat with me the past few years because of how many times I dove into the ocean to explore. Along with that I tend to think more about the adventures I have had and the visions I have seen. I think that not many people can say they have swam on the ocean floor with sharks, or swam on the ocean floor in general taking pictures and watching many fish do what they do everyday. I put myself at one with the ocean. Like it is a part of me or I am a part of it. It’s a beautiful place that so many people fear. I enjoy making myself get on the edge of things. I have a little fear of not being in control about something such as a roller coaster, decisions people make, or life moments that are out of my control. Roller coasters are my go to when it comes to seeking adrenaline rushes. I love the feeling of falling in a roller coaster and have traveled far just to ride the most intense rides in the country. I drive my car like a mad man when I am in rally racing or in an empty parking lot with snow because I find it to ne so fun to just constantly be put on edge. I sometimes feel doing something that I fear may be what causes the death of me. But I always tell myself at least I was dying doing something I love. In life we come across moments of fear that are very necessary. Such as a horrific shooting or being in the middle of anything that is out of your control. I feel that came to be with me as a child when growing up in riverside near the bad side of Los Angeles, California. I was not necessarily raised with a gang or wanna be thugs. I just knew a bunch of them. I witness some gang fights in my teen years and it just confused me constantly why they did that and all I wish I could have eone was control their thoughts to not care about what the other thought about them or to make them view eacvhother as enemies but human beings like they all were. I never got it.

People constantly prevent themselves from having the time of their life because of fear. When peole ask me about many of the things I have doen I tend to tell them the sentence before this and conclude with “I will not be that person” I enjoy being afraid of things. It reminds me that im human. I have peole that have told me constantly they wont do such and such because they are afraid ofcertain things happening. I just kind of look at them in a confused manner. I like it. Always have and always will. I have tried bringing a couple freidns and even a close girl that meant a lot to me to do things they were afraid of. For example I was dating a girl terrified of heights and terrified of going to jail. I eventually came up with the idea of climbing the mfa feed building here in springfield. It has a sign that reads do not trespass or you will be prosecuted and it is definitely the tallest building in springfield. It took months and months to convince her to do it. She was stuck on the fact that I told her I couldn’t promise her everything would go smoothly because I had never climbed it before. So I climbed it first and just so happened to find a pretty easy way to access the top although you had a couple of obstacles that having a fear of heights would really play a factor. I explained to her the scenarios of what she would be going through and she aggred to join me for my second climb. I also had a friend want to join as well. We reached a point to where you have to hold on to two pvc pipes running up a wall for about 40-50 feet. With only little planks to stand on you had to use a lot of strength and walk up the wall vertically and go across an empty space to get to an I beam that lead to a room with a ladder that went straight to the top. It was something else having to get her to climb that wall. I even had a little fear of it. It left you very vulndrable to falling and getting seriously injured. All I could tell her was “you got this, just keep ahold of the pipes and take breaks and I promise you will be fine.” I did it first and showed her exactly what to do. She started to attempt it.